As I reflect back on the year which we’ve grown to be accustomed to (as every year is when it comes and goes), I realise the changes that have occurred within myself. The world seems no better as we turn on our mediums for media, whatever it may be, but at least we are aware that we as fallible humans are only able to change ourselves, and those affectively in our circle. At least that is one of my lessons this year.
I accepted months ago that the burden to change the world is too much. For years I carried this load that all eyes were on me to turn the tides and make a hauling effort to overcome and lead but alas, all that comes with that is distress, disappointment, aches and much sweat with no end result. The most empowering time this year for me was accepting that I can only do so much. The feeling of liberation was overwhelming. I may not change the world or everyone’s lives, but maybe, you, the reader of these typed words on my laptop in my four walled room being jotted on this winter evening, I may contribute to changing your life. A domino effect is what I can hope for
My ride into my 20s hasn’t been easy. My late teens were torrid enough, the idea that from 20+ I would be experiencing what I say to a good friend consistently: “everyday existential crisis” didn’t dawn on me when I first left my teens, believing naively that my convictions were firm and my aim in life was set. Now I’ve had those belief’s confronted, stabbed, taken to hospital, patched back up and now I have to put up with the scar of what was my former naivety.
This is another lesson I have learnt, the human being is adaptive. In all areas. Who I was yesterday is exactly that, yesterday. A maxim of my father’s (and his father’s etc) which was nailed into my head from young was ‘Yesterday’s gone, today’s here, tomorrow’s yet to come’. The idea we can only work practically with what we are doing on a day to day basis is a miracle of normality which the consistency of time gives to us and we undervalue.
Things have occurred this year that I would never have dreamed of, I have performed in places that I can never forget (every gig is appreciated more than words could ever express) as I continue on this road. I’m enjoying the steps each day. From releasing the first of a trilogy of EPs, to having the site you’re reading this very post on, travelling for sets and earning respect, making videos as well as seeing my closest peers make progress in their respective careers serves as an antidote to my constant winter SAD.
An event in hindsight which has meant a lot to me was being featured for Dream Nation as the poster boy for their event this year. I never thought in wildest dreams that I would be modelling for something other than myself at the beginning of this year. This is my general point. Days come and go and we must remain adaptive. Graduating and being 21 in this whirl-wind generation of social media means we’re exposed to so much so to dare not to at least hear a differing view seems absurd.
As we approach the holiday seasons, I am grateful for all the small blessings. I’ve lost a lot this year, and made sacrifices (as I’m sure, you the reader have) but I must thank you now, if you have or haven’t supported me in any shape or form this year or prior. Life gets hard at times, but perseverance and resilience are built upon the experiences we face and conquer. Mistakes happen, but I’d rather a mistake than indecision. But that’s just me
To round off, I must give you at least a preview to next year. I have more songs, another EP and a few other hidden projects which will have further information released in due course. I have a full time job post graduation which I enjoy and gives me time to explore other avenues, so to you I simply say, get your grind on, in whatever it is. Enjoy the festive season and may the enthusiasm which surrounds us all in this time of the year and the few months of the next be with us constantly. May your convictions keep you grounded and keep you from falling off the edge. Thanks for reading and remember, poetry is life, hip hop is oxygen.